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I was just trying to give you something. At that point, I had just had enough. One guy tried to put his hand up my butt crack! I was thinking, easy enough. I once worked at a bar in the Bronx. I was good to go. Meanwhile, I would just kind of like grind up on them.

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So, I fucking grabbed his hand and turned his fingers up and back.

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When we got there, the women were already sauced. When I did the bachelorette party, I went with a former colleague from Splash. The way it worked, he explained, is you dance for 15 to 30 minutes, then take a minute break to give others a chance to make money. It was Dougie from Splash. There was nothing particularly sordid or vulgar about it. But I still had to wear my briefs and boots. It was the worst when the toilets overflowed.

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Being the idiot that I was, I agreed to go in on it. That movie is a male fantasy, pure and simple. He was slim, white, collegiate. Bizarre America's 10 Strangest Strip Clubs. Craigslist has a lot of weird sex stuff, but I tried to steer clear of anything involving prostitution. Then, Dougie just stopped returning my calls. I was wearing a shirt, slacks and my regular boxers.

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